My story begins on Sunday morning. My husband and I had plans to take our 2 children to our local pumpkin patch, which is something our family looks forward to every year. My favorite pumpkin patch is at Irvine Regional Park, a beautiful historical park that is just a short drive up Santiago Canyon Road from our house. We decided to stop at The Café on our way up the canyon for breakfast. It was a horribly windy and dry day, but we were determined to enjoy our Sunday regardless of the weather. After breakfast, we drove to the park. The winds had caused a lot of damage, and I noticed a bunch of trees had fallen over, and so the park was closed. So we went home. As we drove home my husband and I commented about how dry the hills looked and I was thinking how desperately we needed rain.
We spent the entire afternoon playing outside with the kids. We tried to ignore the horrible winds, but it got harder and harder. The kids had fun kicking up all the leaves and swinging on the swings in their playground. Lily spent some time playing in her sandbox that was shaped like a little boat. It was a perfect afternoon, and I loved every minute of it.
It started to get dark, so we headed inside and the kids took a nice warm bath. My husband ran to the store, and while he was gone, everything changed. I first got a call from a friend of ours named Marcus. He seemed a bit frantic. He said that there was a fire that started near Santiago Canyon Road and a friend of his, who is a fireman, told him to tell us to evacuate. I honestly didn’t think much of it, as I was sure the fire wasn’t very close to our canyon. And then I received a second call, and this time it was from our neighbor, Nick. He said that the roads were closed coming into the canyon because a telephone pole fell down. In the back of my mind I kept thinking why does all this drama happen while Marty is away? I still felt very relaxed and wasn’t worried at all. Then the third call came in. This time it was my mom. She said that she was watching the news and saw that there was a local fire, and she was worried about us. I assured her that we were fine and there was nothing to worry about. Everyone seemed to be over reacting. I walked outside and smelled the air and I couldn’t smell the fire at all. I knew that if the fires were close, then I would surely smell them. And then, Marcus called again. He said that he had his trailer and truck empty and he would drive right over to our house and help us evacuate. It was nice to know that everyone cared so much about us, but I still felt completely safe. We've lived in this canyon for 4 years and the only fire that was close, was immediately put out by the firemen. So I wasn't concerned. Marty came home and I told him about the calls and he said he did see the fire when we was driving up the grade road. It was North West of our canyon, and we had nothing to worry about. Lily was still awake, so he thought it would be a wonderful experience for her to go outside and see the fire. He drove her up to the top of our grade road, so they had a view of the entire canyon. The stayed up there for about an hour, and I could only imagine all the questions that a curious 3 year old would have asked. When they came home Marty assured me that the fire was quite a distance away and we had nothing to worry about. So, we all went to sleep.
Monday's are always fun for me and the kids. Lily gets to go to her Play & Music class for a couple of hours in the morning, and North & I get to have alone time. I always look forward to our Monday adventures, and I know the kids do too. When I left in the morning I was afraid Santiago Canyon Road would still be closed because of the telephone pole down, but I was happy to see the roads were clear. When I got to the top of the grade road, I was surprised to see that the fire was still slowly approaching. I didn’t think twice about it, and we all went about our business. It was only a few hours later that we were driving home, and this time there was a check point and a CHP officer asked why I was trying to get into the canyon. He checked my ID and sent me on my way. I picked up Marty and the dogs and we headed out for lunch. I think we just wanted to clear our heads. I was in shock that the fire was still out there, after all these hours. As we sat in Foothill Ranch, we saw the flames coming over the hills towards the homes. It was a scary site to see 20 foot flames approaching all these homes and businesses, but still this was fairly far away from our canyon. I started to feel uneasy. Something didn't seem right. Marty & I accessed the situation and decided that for the kid’s sake, me and the kids should stay at my mom’s house for a couple hours. The kids were excited to go see Nana and Papa, and I was excited to get out of the smoke.
Marty met some neighbors at the top of our grade road and watched the fire. It was still on the other side of Santiago Canyon Road, so it didn’t seem like a threat. At that point, it seemed like it could be easily stopped, and surely the firemen wouldn’t let it jump the road onto our side of the canyon. I called Marty every 30 minutes to get an update, and every time he said everything was fine. I asked him to please not spend the night in the canyon, and to please grab the photo albums, just to be on the safe side.
That night I was exhausted, and was excited to get a good night’s sleep. I thought for sure that by the morning, the fire would be gone. It seemed like everything was under control. The fire had now been burning for over 24 hours.
Tuesday morning I awoke to see my giggling children running around Nana & Papa’s house. We had a nice breakfast and all spent some time relaxing and chatting. At about 9:30am Marty called and said that he was driving back to the canyon to check on it. He said he was close, and could see that the fire had jumped the road and was approaching Modjeska Canyon. I decided to turn on the news and see what they had to say. I’ll never forget the moment, as I sat at my mom’s computer desk and watched the news on her office TV. The head of the fire department was giving a press conference, and he was talking about our little canyon. I'd never heard Modjeska Canyon mentioned on the news before, so for a moment I felt a bit of excitement. But what he said turned my excitement into fear and shock. He said that the conditions of the canyon were too difficult and all the firemen were pulling out. Also, the winds were too strong and they would have to stop air support. My body froze as tears ran down my cheeks. They were completely giving up! How could they give up on my home? I began shaking, and pacing. I told my mom that I had to leave and get as close to my home as I could. I needed to be with Marty, and I needed to see for myself what was happening. As I drove, my body was shaking. I was listening to the AM news channel and they repeated the same information. As I drove up El Toro Road, I could see that there were mounds of black smoke coming from our mountains. And then I saw a trail of 15 fire engines heading away from the fire. I felt abandoned, and frightened, and helpless.
I found my husband and some of our neighbors at a park in Portola Ranch that overlooks Modjeska Canyon. We go to this park sometimes with the kids, and I've always thought it had such a lovely view of the canyon. But, on this day, the view was very different. I stood there, staring down at our canyon and all I could see was a fog of black smoke for miles and walls of 20 foot flames. Every minute there was a big poof of smoke, almost like a little bomb going off, and all I could think was maybe that was somebody’s home. Or, maybe that was my home. It was the most horrifying thing I have ever seen. As I stood there, I was convinced that our entire canyon was gone. We all cried.
After watching it for hours, we all thought that everything had been destroyed. So, we left. None of us had eaten all day, and because of all the smoke, we needed something to drink. We went to a local sports bar that had all the TV’s set on the news. At the front door they had a sign out that said, "Please God, Give us Rain" As we sat there, I could hear the other customers at the restaurant talking about how they’d been to Modjeska Canyon once before, or they knew someone who lived there, or some of them had never even heard of it. Everyone was trying to feel involved in the moment, but me and my table of friends, were more involved than we wanted to be. In those flames we saw flashing on the TV screens were our memories, our lives, our homes. We all sat, frozen, staring at the TV screens. Hoping for just a small bit of information. Just to know anything, would have meant everything. We sat and watched an interview of one of our neighbors, who said his house was burning and no one did anything about it. He said that everyone just abandoned our homes, and they were all left to burn. We were all too exhausted to cry anymore. We all just sat.
As I drove back to my mom’s house, I got a call from Marty. He said that someone told him that our garage was gone, but our house was fine. I didn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to think. How could our garage be destroyed, but our house survive? When I got back to my mom’s house, Marty called again. He told me to go to ocregister.com and look at the picture on the front page. There it was. Our garage was completely engulfed in flames, with Marty’s car pulled far enough away that it wasn’t hurt by the fires. Again, I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t accept it, or understand it. I didn’t know how to feel. I was just confused.
Days and days blurred together after Tuesday. We weren’t allowed to go home, so we stayed at different local hotels and tried to act normal. We let it all sink in. I spent a lot of time just thinking, and trying to understand how I was feeling. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. I was so thankful that my home was still there, but I felt guilty for mourning the loss of everything else.
After almost 2 weeks, we were able to return to our homes. I was thrilled to see that much of the canyon was still thriving. Most of the trees were still alive, and almost all of the homes were still standing. But, still, it wasn’t the same. Our canyon was a beautiful bird sanctuary, filled with life and color, and now it all seemed dead. We drove up to our house, and I was beyond overjoyed to see our sweet little house still standing. But, what surrounded it broke my heart. Everything that we worked so hard to make beautiful, was destroyed. Our yard, our garage and our children’s playground were all gone. I saw my neighbor's house from our yard for the first time, because before we had so much foliage between the homes that sometimes I forgot that there was a house next door.
The garage that we spent over a year building and dreaming about, was now a pile of rubble laying on a concrete slab. This was my husbands dream garage. This garage is where we had Lily’s “Kitty Cat” birthday in, because it was cold and rainy outside, but I wasn’t about to call her party off. This garage is where we counted down the New Year when I was 5 months pregnant with North. This garage is where we stored so many of our precious memories.
The playground where we spent countless hours pushing the kids on their swings or helping them down the big yellow slide. The playground was my daughter’s first birthday present. I kept thinking about how sad she would be when she returned home and it was gone. And, how could I explain to her what happened and why this happened? I didn’t have the words… and I still don’t.
My husband and I finally moved back home. But, it is still unsafe for our children. The yard is not safe yet for them to play in, and there is so much ash in the air, it is unsafe to breathe. I'm nervous about all the animals that no longer have homes, and so they are aimlessly walking around the canyon, searching for food and shelter. We've already found 2 rattlesnakes in the yard, and a mountain lion was spotted on the grade road. I don't know when I'll feel comfortable bringing my children back here. I can’t wait until our lives can be back to normal, and we can be enjoying our home again, as a family.
There are so many emotions running through my body right now. I feel overwhelming joy as I walk around my house and see all the things that I love that could never be replaced in they were burned. The bed my dad built for me, my grandmother’s doll, my great-grandfathers dresser, and all the countless things that Lily and North have made that decorate our home. I feel overwhelming gratitude and love for all the firemen who saved our canyon. Without question, they are the true hero’s! I am so thankful to the church volunteers who have spent hours and hours at our house trying to make it beautiful again. I feel so lucky to be a part of this community, because our neighbors are some of the most amazing, unique, loving, people that I have ever met and I feel closer to them all because of this experience.
I don’t have an end for my story yet, because it’s not over for us yet. But, I will say that we are looking forward, and moving on. But, none of us will ever be the same.